Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
