You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
