i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
