did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
