I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
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