I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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