I am puke
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
