Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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