Acid is not a monday night drug
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
