p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
