haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
