You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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