In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
