guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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