Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
