So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
