I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
