try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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