i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
