Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
