So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
