Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My cat gives me a boner
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
