apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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