How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
