It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
nutella sex= disaster
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
