the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just googled if crying burns calories
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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