No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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