How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Congratulations! We have a period
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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