Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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