My underwear smells like fireworks.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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