; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I party with great urgency now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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