who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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