forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
