I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
two words: eviction party
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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