singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
