U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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