Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
