I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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