dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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