Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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