a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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