Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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