areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
