yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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