He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize