I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
