Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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