She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
