Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
