I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
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I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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