I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
