Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
