Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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