If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize