you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Randomize
