Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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