I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
