I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Randomize
