We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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