I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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