That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
