when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
