I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
People in love make me want to vomit
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
