Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
