can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
