i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
