Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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