i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
