i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
