So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
