I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
