i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
