I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Sorry my hands just texted you
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
