Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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